the apostle paul said it best… ”i do not understand what i do. for what i want to do i do not do, but what i hate i do.” for some strange reason, i am encouraged by this scripture. it reminds me that i am not supposed to be perfect, that even the author of half of the new testament struggled with being sinful. i have always been one to give grace to others but never one to give grace to myself. i am perfectionism at its best… always wanting to be the best, be over the top with everything, and always going the extra mile. i mean, why do when you can OVER do? along with that i hold myself at such a high standard of not being sinful. well, obvi, i fail at this very often. like paul, i do what i don’t want to do and what i know i should not do. in my weakness i lose self control and find myself at the feet of jesus where grace and mercy are found.
as i shared some of this with my best friend last night i think we both came to a beautiful realization. 5 years ago i would sin and sin and sin and nothing would happen. i wouldn’t feel badly, i wouldn’t be convicted, and i definitely would NOT look at it as an opportunity for god to grow me. but now… today… the holy spirit is so close to my heart that i can instantly feel him nudge me when i need to flee from sin or temptation. i am beyond thankful for this. when i mess up, i weep because i have failed my savior and he deserves better than that. yet, even in my tears, he covers me with peace and love that cannot be explained with simple words and adjectives. and there he meets me… broken but mended, weak but conquered. it is one of the most beautiful things i have ever experienced.
along with paul, i find so much encouragement in the psalms… some of my favorite psalms speak so much light into this struggle for me. read through psalm 34 & 37… so good!
psalm 37:24 “though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.”
psalm 34:17-20 “the righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. the LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. a righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.”
when we let ourselves fall and become weak we give the lord an open door to be our strength. in our weakness, he is strong. when we are crushed, he is there. my only resolution, cry out to him… call upon his name… his is mighty to save.
“Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” -II Corinthians 12:7-10
I love that verse in Psalm 37! Nice Response too