let me make a few disclaimers before i unleash the transparency that is this blog post. i know i am beyond blessed. i am grateful and humbled by what my daily life and responsibilities entail. i don’t deserve it and i am well aware of that. i am also completely heartbroken by the hurting, lonely, enslaved, and desperate people around me. so i say that to say that on SOME days, all of that doesn’t make life any easier. on some days, it is hard to be me, it is hard to live life, and it is hard to trust with every part of my heart. jesus said we will have troubles, no surprise here. this world is broken, everyone in it is broken, and not one of us was created for this place. in the deepest parts of our hearts, we are all broken, insecure in areas, lonely, searching, and often feel the pains of regret and hypocrisy. let me remind you that jesus also said, “take heart for i have overcome the world.” he has already felt what we are feeling, he has already seen the brokenness we are experiencing, and he has also already conquered it.
well… yesterday was rough. i’ve been seeing a lot of these “rough” days lately, especially the more i read my bible and the more i pray. satan isn’t so clever but he sure knows how to give me a run for my money. so i did what any strong, independent, godly woman would do…. i put the top down in my car, blasted john mayer, hit the highway, and picked up my best friend. genius.
so there we were. beka and i. on the beach at night. toes in the sand. tears in our eyes. and the sound of the waves crashing around us. our lives surely aren’t terrible, definitely aren’t perfect, and neither one of us know how to fix a thing… but…there we sat. together. and for some reason, that changes things. it changes our days and it gives us strength. i love thinking about what god must say to himself as he watches his little girls sitting there…struggling, questioning, pleading for answers. i bet he giggles. i bet he says, “maybe i should have made them a little less dramatic and emotional…”
then i got home…late. tired. but encouraged. i decided to grab my jesus calling devotional for kicks and giggles. and there. in that moment. the sweet lord reminded me that he knows everything, he is in everything, and he knows me before i know myself. i will close with what yesterday’s devotion was… mostly because anything i have to say won’t be nearly as awesome as it is.
“do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life. these problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth. embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them. view problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Me.
when you start to feel stressed, let those feelings alert you to your need for Me. thus, your needs become doorways to deep dependence on me and increasing intimacy between us. although self-sufficiency is acclaimed in the world, reliance on Me produces abundant living in My kingdom. thank Me for the difficulties in your life, since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.”
