my tell all.

After much debate, I have decided to blog about a few important changes that are going on in my little world. I was going to keep most of this private but after a few too many people heard a few too many silly rumors I decided a tell all would be the way to go… at least for those of you who care to read. Here it goes…

A few weeks ago I resigned from my position at Christ Fellowship. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to serve at that church with some amazing people. Without CF I would have never met Pastor Kevin and Mara who have changed my life forever and truly pointed me to Christ and showed me how to live out the Gospel. I met countless wonderful people and I am blessed that those relationships have only grown stronger since I left.

I am blown away at all the things God had planned for me and I am so humbled by His willingness and faithfulness to provide for me and give me such a wonderful life. I have never been so happy or content in all my life and God has blessed me more than I could have ever imagined. I am so excited to be back in school full time and focusing on finishing up at PBA and spending some much needed time with my family and friends.

Life is pure bliss right now. This very moment reminds me of God’s beauty and how much He has blessed my life. I can hear the laughter of Pastor Todd, Mrs. Julie and the Saunders on the back porch while a house full of us girls giggles together on the couch. I feel so loved by God and so close to Him, I am so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life and so many great people that pour into my life.

Leaving CF was extremely hard and getting used to not seeing the students regularly is something I won’t ever be ok with or get used to. It was definitely God’s calling for me to be there for the season I was but now He has called me to finish school and focus on spending time with my family and friends.

So, if you are wondering… I love Jesus and I love Christ Fellowship. I am going to PBA full time and I have 3 semesters left of classes before I am finally done with a degree I might actually use. I am going to The Ascent and it has been so wonderful to be back in church services! I’ve met some really great people and I am excited to go on a mission trip to Costa Rica this summer with The Ascent CityPlace campus!

That about sums up everything. I am ready and anticipating the great work that the Lord has promised to finish in my life and loving every minute of it! Thank you to everyone who has made my life as great as it is.

Ephesians 3:20-22.

my motions.

I know I’ve said this before but I am SUCH a lyrics person. I am constantly looking up lyrics for songs I like and well…. blogging about them. Right now I am constantly playing “The Motions” by Matthew West…and when I am not playing it, I am singing it. That part is unfortunate for those around me. Way FM can seriously overplay and overkill a song but for now I don’t mind hearing it every 4 songs. I’m obsessed with it and it puts into words how I am feeling. If you haven’t heard it please listen here.

After I left Christ Fellowship 2 weeks ago I have spent a ton more time reflecting on what God is doing in my life and what He has been trying to do during the times when I wasn’t listening very well. I heard this song and the part “I don’t wanna go one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me” stuck in my head. I realized at that moment that nothing else truly mattered. It didn’t matter what I wanted or how I saw my life play out or who I thought I would be with. It never has and never will. I could have everything in the world the way I want it but it wouldn’t matter without an all consuming passion inside my heart for God. I felt for the first time in awhile like a new Christian. I was never far from Jesus but my heart was filled with passions for what I wanted, who I wanted, and lack of trust that God had a better plan and could take better care of me. Maybe I am being a little transparent here but hopefully someone else has gone through this too. I made a commitment today that I wouldn’t go another day without God’s all consuming passion inside of me. Nothing else even begins to matter if I don’t have this.

Where are you tonight? Are you on fire for the things of this world or a person who will never be able to fill that void? Give up. That is my only advice. Those things and those people will never be enough, they didn’t create you and they don’t know you like God does. He will fill every crevice of your heart if you let Him. Don’t give up who you are and who God wants you to be for anything or anyone else. The truth is we don’t deserve better but we DO get more than we deserve. Don’t settle for a guy that doesn’t make you his priority and expect him to fill your empty heart, walk away. Don’t settle for a group of friends that bring you down with them, you are a child of God and Jesus died so that you can have better than this. Get up, walk away and break. His power works best in your weakness.

This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

it’s up to YOU.

I have learned this from the very wise people that God has placed in my life and it has changed the way I live my life. I am still speaking to myself when I say this but… it’s up to YOU. Your life, your job, your family, your friends, your potential, your dreams, your goals, your choices… No one has control over you and no one can and should make choices for you. God has gifted us all uniquely and perfected us to be what and who HE wants us to be. We cannot and should not and will not allow anyone else or any circumstance to pull us away from what we were created to do and who we were created to be. I am made the way I am for a perfect reason, the same goes for all of us. If we are not confident with who God created us to be and are not doing what we are called to do than we are interfering with God’s will for our lives and for the lives of those He is impacting through us.

If you want to make a difference…. it is up to YOU. Don’t sit around a wait for someone else to do it or worry about failing or what other people will think. GET UP and DO IT. Be passionate, be on fire for something, and encourage others with the confidence you have in Christ. If you want to change the world, then start. Today. This entire world was changed by 12 people. YA! 12 people. I can fit that many people in my SUV. It takes nothing but the faith and courage and strength from God to take the next step. Be humble, be faithful, be ready. We serve a God who delights in the impossible. Let HIM do the impossible through you. It is up to YOU.

the gospel.

I am sure of one thing in life. Jesus. I honestly don’t understand how anyone goes through their day, let alone their life, without Jesus. I did it for some time and it was remotely unsuccessful, lonely, and somewhat worthless. I am happy that Jesus has filled the void that was in my heart and life and I am humbled to be chosen by the creator of the universe. woah. take that in for a minute. Becoming a Christian is simple, living a Christian lifestyle…not so much. I read my bible, I pray, I believe it, I understand it, I trust it, I desire it, I crave it, I grow in it, I devour it, I need it but…do I LIVE it?

My mind is stuck here. Nothing satisfies me more than Jesus. Nothing else can redeem me, rescue me, mold me, refine me, grow me, protect me, provide for me, guide me, or fulfill my every need, desire, and goal. How come I can’t take my faith and put it into action like Jesus did?

I see it all around me, Christians that don’t practice what they preach. They have the act down but that doesn’t go far with Jesus. He says HE KNOWS their hearts and will turn away from them because He does not know them. That scares me but it also reminds me of God’s grace for us. We mess up, we live messed up lives, and we lead messed up people even if we are more messed up than they are. Make sense? No. BUT God still loves us THE SAME. I think I should end here.

We will never get it right, but that is humbling, we will never deserve God’s love, but we have it readily available, we will never understand the price Jesus payed, but it is waiting there for us anyways. Where are you today? Do you live out the Gospel? Are you hiding behind your sin and masking who you are to everyone? It is okay to break, for when you are weak, God is strong and HE will work through you…but you have to let him.

5 down. Hallelujia.

I’m in love with this moment. Ben Harper music slowly playing, the Saunders are relaxing on the patio, and Jefferson is so extremely content with trying out his scuba gear in the pool. I love hearing all these different noises, conversations, and laughter all synced together in addition to Jillian’s beautiful singing voice coming from the other side of the house. Easter weekend is done, all the hard work has payed off, and we can just bask in the blessings that God has given us. At the end of the day and even at the end of such a sacred weekend, we are all just God’s children, doing His work, letting His power work through us, and sacrificing anything to be the hands and feet of Jesus. It is not by our power that over 25,000 people heard the Gospel over the past two days and it is so humbling to know that God used me to orchestrate His miraculous plans. I hope this weekend reminded you of the grace and love of God for you and encouraged you to take the next step along the path that God has designed for you.

Jesus.

I am devouring the book of Luke right now. I can’t get away from chapter 5 and I am in awe of how I ever read through these scriptures before and didn’t feel this slap in the face. God has a beautiful way of revealing things to us for specific reasons and at specific times. In Luke chapter 5 I read through a story I have heard a number of times…

¹⁸ Some men came carrying a paralyzed man on a sleeping mat. They tried to take him inside to Jesus, ¹⁹ but they couldn’t reach him because of the crowd. So they went up to the roof and took off some tiles. Then they lowered the sick man on his mat down into the crowd, right in front of Jesus. ²⁰ Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the man, “Young man, your sins are forgiven.”

Wonderful, I thought to myself, been here….read this… wonderful. Well, God had another plan. I am in love with these verses, I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around how beautiful God’s word is. Here there are a group of guys, I’ll call friends, that are trying to get their sick friend help. They tried the easy route and nope, unsuccessful. Most of us wouldn’t have gotten even this far. But they aren’t done yet, they are determined and devoted to their friend. They go as far as CLIMBING ON A ROOF and lifting their friend over the crowd in order to reach Jesus. I need to pause right now because I swear my mind is about to explode….. I can’t tell you how many sick friends I have had, lost friends that are close around me, or family members that just need Jesus and I have gone barely as far as making a phone call or sending them a text message in attempts to get them to Jesus. How unbelievable is this example we see in Luke of friends that surely went the extra mile to bring their friend to Jesus. When I have had a sick friend it would be a MAJOR gesture of love and compassion to bring them a bowl of soup, let alone make attempt after attempt and drag them on a roof in order to bring them to the ultimate healer and provider. They never gave up, never thought of excuses, and never received anything in return. WOAH, how lost can we be at times even as Christians and walking closely with the Lord?

Praise God for his deliverance, redemption, grace, mercy, and love.

matthew… or levi…

I can’t tell you how many times I hear a sermon (usually from Steven Furtick, listen here) and think, “how did he come up with THAT from THAT scripture.” My mind just never seems to dissect scripture that way others do and I always thought that is why they are pastors and I am not. Well, this morning God really unveiled scripture to me in a way that I have never experienced before. Sometimes I tend to skim through scripture for the “important” scriptures or more meaningful scriptures until I find something that really impacts me. I realized this morning that EVERY verse of EVERY chapter of EVERY book is important, meaningful, and God inspired regardless of if I relate to it at that specific moment or not. So onto my point:

I was reading in Luke and came across the story of Levi, aka Matthew, the tax collector. I read this verse…passed it…read further on and then paused and returned to it again with a whole new mindset. Luke 5:27-28 says, ” ²⁷After this, Jesus went out and saw a tax collector by the name of Levi sitting at his tax booth. “Follow me,” Jesus said to him, ²⁸and Levi got up, left everything and followed him”

I sat in awe for a minute of this scripture. Here is Matthew sitting there and along comes Jesus, someone he doesn’t remotely even know, who demands that he “follow him.” The shocking part is that Matthew simply dropped everything, got up, and followed Jesus. No questions, no comments, no gestures, no pushing back… he just got up and listened to Jesus without knowing the first thing about him. I can’t imagine how different my life would be if I followed Jesus as obediently as Matthew did. I would have saved myself from many heartaches if I didn’t push back, avoid, runaway from, and ignore some of the things that Jesus was leading me to or away from. No matter what it is, I can usually find an excuse…I have a job, a family to take care of, my friend needs me, I need to do homework, I have no money, I have no time…ect. I wish for once that I could just DROP EVERYTHING and follow Jesus instead of making EVERYTHING a reason for why I can’t do or not do what I know I should be doing or not be doing (I feel ya Apostle Paul). Maybe it is my nature that I think I can do things on my own or that I think I have a better idea or plan for my life… I think God is starting to show me how I can accomplish absolutely nothing without Him being in the drivers seat and me surrending all control to Him. I am getting a good lesson in John 15:5, If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

My ideas: 1. Drop everything 2. I mean, EVERYTHING 3. Follow Jesus

ralph lauren has made my day.

I’m making a few important changes in my life as of my next pay day. One of them being a change to my style. I made a very irrational decision/commitment to only wear Ralph Lauren polo’s and button down shirts for the rest of my life. After realizing that one shirt costs more than my salary, I’ll be sticking to bargain shopping at Tj Maxx and Marshalls for the time being. I did, however, stumble across something wonderful on my escapade through the Ralph Lauren Website. They offer customized Ralph Lauren polos for individuals and families! They are way cute and add the perfect little touch to a family, especially for family photos. They are a bit pricey BUT might be worth the investment for a special occasion. They can also be easily replicated if you purchase a plain polo elsewhere and know someone who can embroider. I just love this idea and I will be the mother of 8 one day that spends a silly amount of money on matching customized polos for my entire family. Judge me, I can take it. : ) Even if it’s just for fun, check out the customized Ralph Lauren line. Take a few minutes and make your own customized shirts, we can all dream, can’t we?

give me your eyes.

I woke up this morning thinking, “what if I did have God’s eyes? what if the many prayers I have prayed to see people how God does were answered? would my heart be as broken as God’s must be for all the hurting and lost people in this world?” I can’t imagine what the world would look like if we all saw, treated, and loved people as God does. I find myself disregarding people because of the extent of their sin which is very humbling and at the same time, breaks my heart. God doesn’t love me any more than the guys who opened fire in their schools, or more than Osama bin Laden, or more than a father that murders his entire family. Sometimes I just don’t understand that. God’s love is AMAZING. I am loved by God the same as He loves a murder and the same as He loves Billy Graham. Woah.

So, I’ve been listening to this song that is going to be our theme for this summer at church and I’ve turned it into my prayer for myself and for everyone who reads this. Here are the lyrics to the chorus: It is Brandon Heath, “Give Me Your Eyes.”

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

I pray that this is an encouragement for you and that we can see and love people like we never have before. I love the lyrics to this song. If I could see the world through God’s eyes for just one second it would change the way I live for the rest of my life. Maybe God is protecting us, maybe we can’t handle seeing the world in God’s eyes because it would take the eyes off of us. I am so humbled by God’s love this morning and so grateful for His grace. Our salvation is such a beautiful mess.

the round table room.

So we have this awesome new church management system at work and it is going to enhance how we do ministry in so many ways… We are constructing how it is going to work right now, this means 10 hours of training and discussions in 2 days…for the next 3 weeks. It is little moments like this when I look around at everyone at the round table in our conference room and watch all our ideas pop up on the plasma TV hanging infront of us and just ponder things. My thoughts are: 1. woah, I am old. 2. woah, ministry is cutting edge. 3. woah, the chairs in the conference room are WAY comfy!!! Just kidding…kinda of.

It is so awesome to see how the church is innovative and how we are using technology to help us reach more people, more students, and more families. I always hear people talking about how this doesn’t feel like a church or “woah we have plasmas in church?! or games?!” and my new response is “DUH! OF COURSE WE DO!” We are doing the work of the Creator of the Universe! If anything, we should be above and beyond anything that this world has or is using to reach people. We are working against what Satan is using to bring sin into this world and it is a daily battle. So we as “the church”, not as in buildings but as in a group of believers, should be even more creative and innovative than the things of this world and the techniques that Satan is using.

Ministry is a tough world, especially when you try to do it on your own. I’m learning to rely on the Lord, rest for the Lord, and wait on the Lord. I get my strength, confidence, security, passions, and gifts from Him and when I surrender all that I am and all that I do to Him, He does the work through me. So, yes, ministry is tough…but God is tougher.